Winding Down


We are coming down to the wire. The last two weeks of 2017. I have to post pictures of little sweater-sock snowmen cuz we haven’t gotten any real snow at all yet. There was a dusting last week but it didn’t stick despite looking real pretty while it fell from the sky.

Now is the time when everyone runs around in a frantic panic trying to get homes cleaned for guests, goodies baked for teachers and neighbors (if that’s your thing), presents wrapped, forgotten things ordered, and food purchased for a meal to rival Thanksgiving in all its trimmings and options.

Meanwhile, I’m over here in my pajama bottoms trying to finish this story before it’s Friday deadline, lamenting my lack of family-style Thing 1 and Thing 2 shirts (stupid iron-on bullshit), sucking down coffee like its water while balancing it with actual water and debating if it’s worth mopping now or waiting until after I do the metric shit ton of baking I need to do for neighbors, teachers, and birthdays. Oh yeah, it’s a glamorous life.

I have goals for the new year, things that need to be done, words that need to be written, crafts that need to be made. But, as I sit here in the silence of a still home, I want to see those snowflakes falling outside my window and just say ‘f#&@ it’ until the new year rolls around. Adulting sucks; parenting sucks; non-paying career choices suck.

Do this, do that, write daily, blog weekly, don’t forget your social media, make sure all the teachers are thanked for their inherently thankless jobs of educating your spawn, try not to let the things you make look homemade, make sure your house smells like cinnamon, keep the floors clean, make sure each child has an equal number of gifts, and for gods’ sake don’t forget the dammed coconut oil.

Coconut oil be dammed!!

I’m tired. This is it, the final stretch, and I am DONE. Yeah, I’ll bake cuz my kid needs a birthday cake and no one sells pre-made gluten free cakes (hint, hint Wal-Mart!) but, you know what, the teachers can enjoy Santa-hat kisses instead of homemade goodies. The sheets don’t really need to be freshly laundered – a run through the dryer with a softy will do just fine and the floors aren’t really going to stay clean anyway so f*@& that shit.

I have a family of six to pack for vacation in the next few days so I’m going to wind down, prop my absurdly tiny and slightly freakish-looking feet up, pour a little Bailey’s into my coffee and chill.

2017 can kiss my thoroughly exhausted bum. Toodles poodles! See y’all next year (cuz, you know, I won’t really be around next week to post about my AMAZING experiences in Orlando. Be jelly.)!

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